No matter how ugly life seems, there is beauty all around us.

This is the message of American Beauty, one of the most amazing films I have
seen this year, if not my whole life.  This goes beyond film, this was a work
of art.  I've never had a film make me so incredibly happy and uplifted, yet
so depressed at the same time.  Most dark comedies just show you the shitty
side of life, whereas this showed the shitty side, with all of life's inner 
beauty that we all tend to miss, shining through the cracks.

Lester Burnham's life sucks.  He's a corporate slave, his daughter hates him,
his wife is emotionally made of plastic, and the high point of his day is when
he jerks off in the shower before work.  And, as he lets us know at the very 
beginning, he is going to die in less than a year.  His daughter, Jane (the one
who hates him) has severe self-esteem issues, and is saving money for breast 
implants (though personally I think she had VERY nice breasts).  His wife is a 
real-estate agent who isn't doing so well, so she keeps up a facade of the 
classic happy homemaker cum successful businesswoman, but in reality she hates 
her life just as much as everyone in this film.

Soon all of the troubles arise.  Lester quits his job and blackmails the company
out of $60K, falls in love with Jane's friend, and starts smoking superexpensive
marijuana, which he buys from Ricky Fitts, the new next-door neighbor.  Jane is 
having an even tougher self esteem problem when her best friend constantly puts
her down, then she falls in love with Ricky.  And Lester's wife (forgive me, but
I cannot remember her name) ends up fucking Buddy, the "King Of Real Estate" in 
a hilarious sex scene.  I never thought I would see Annette Bening getting filled
out like an application, screaming "Hail to the king baby!  Fuck me, your High-
ness!"   So everyone has their own little dilemma, and unfortunately, it begins
to bring them all down into this hellish pit of despair.

Except for Lester.

Lester is one happy sonofabitch.  He's no longer a whipping boy to that sick, 
twisted corporate machine.  He's taking a stand and bringing back the color in 
his bleak life.  He overhears Jane's friend talking about him, saying that if he
built up a little more muscle, she would fuck him, so he starts working out and
jogging with his homosexual neighbors.  I could go on, but I am starting to ruin
some of the best parts of the movie for you, so I will shut up.  

In case you can't tell, I absolutely LOVED this movie.  If it doesn't win an 
Oscar for Best Picture, I'll...I dunno.  I'll bomb the academy or something.  I
know I will at least get pissy.  But this movie deserves it.  With all the crap
that we have received from Hollywood, we're finally given a treat.  Although I 
must admit, it looks as if we're getting a flow of good movies later this fall.
But this movie ranks up there with The Sixth Sense.  No, it beats that movie out.
This is my favorite film of the whole year.  I hereby give it the highest rating
I can give a movie, TEN KUMQUATS!  This movie even scored well on the C.H.A.O.S
chart.  Look!


C: 10 / 15 
It was kind of hard to pin things down, but there were a lot of great lines in
the film, and some great original concepts.  They're not really things I can 
explain.  You'll just have to see it.


H: 5 / 15  
Kevin Spacey said some things that made me laugh, and the situations were pretty
funny.  But for a dark comedy, the humor was pretty low-key.


A: 30 / 30 
A stellar cast, all of whom gave amazing performances (especially Kevin Spacey, 
who is one of those actors who I believe can do no wrong), absolutely incredible
direction and cinematography that was innovative without being Tarantino/MTV 
editing crap that usually gets called "innovative".  And the script and screen-
play were great, too.  Everything combined seemed to be able to show the true
beauty in life that we tend to look past, or take for granted.


O: 30 / 30 
Well I gave the film 10 kumquats, so how do you think it's gonna score in the 
"Overall Enjoyability" category?  It's not like I'm going to rate it like that 
and then say it sucked in the C.H.A.O.S. chart.  Full points on this one.  


S: 8 / 10 
A decent smattering of sex (though very little nudity shown), but very little
violence.  Although as he promised, Kevin Spacey does die at the end.  That is
kind of violent, I suppose.  But there are some nice tit shots of the two teen-
age females in the film, plus Annette Bening getting fucked.  I don't mean she 
is in a love scene, where it's all romantic and poetic.  I mean she gets fucked
like a two dollar whore by Peter Gallagher (Thank Goddess his ass was covered
by a sheet).  And you see Kevin Spacey jerk off a couple times.  Not necessarily
a GOOD thing, but it's sex, so it scores points.


_________________________


FINAL C.H.A.O.S. SCORE:  83 / 100  


I'd honestly like to see any movie this year beat this film for my personal
choice of Movie Of The Year.  Thus far, the only movies that look like they'll
be able to hold a candle to it are Dogma and Sleepy Hollow.  Oh, and maybe
The Messenger, but I don't know if that one comes out this year or next.  

Oh yeah, one last note.  I should probably mention the cast.  Lester is played
by Kevin Spacey, his wife by Annette Bening, and his daughter by Thora Birch.
I have no clue who plays Ricky Fitts, Peter Gallagher plays Buddy "The King of
Real Estate", and Scott Bakula plays a very convincing gay neighbor.  All of
them should get Oscars.  Except Peter Gallagher.  He annoys me.